recently, its been hard to find my place at college. it seems that everyone was making friends and finding their place much quicker and easier than i was. this wasn't helped by my painful silence around new people, i really just never know what to say. and, sometimes, i just prefer to listen. i don't know. a lot of the time i've been feeling misplaced, like the rebecca-shaped hole of the universe and warped after graduation, and i didn't quite fit anywhere anymore.
maybe i was just expecting the wrong things. culture seems to say that as soon as you get to college, everything works out. you find your life-long best friends, a boyfriend, discover what you want to be, all like its magic. its a let down to find that that was far from true. and its been getting me down. there have been three semi-formals, and i haven't gotten invited to one. my high school friends have moved on without me. everyone else on my hall has bonded much more. it seriously had me considering whether or not i was ready for college, whether i could survive this.
but lately i've been trying to to appreciate small happy moments in this complicated world of trying to figure out who i am and just what that means. sushi with my hallmates. sloshing through fallen leaves. car songs. midnight showings of where the wild things are. endless milkshake runs to cookout. i love these nights. they make me forget my social inadequacies. its hard to forget my lack of ability to find a guy or good friend sometimes, but im still just trying to figure out who i am in this school:
rebecca worrell.
likes art, music, and saving the world.
and im not quite sure what that means yet.
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